


Where There's Smoke, There's Fire

by lionessvalenti



Category: Agents of Cracked
Genre: Episode Tag, Fire, Gen, POV Minor Character, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2013-03-02
Packaged: 2017-12-04 01:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/705110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionessvalenti/pseuds/lionessvalenti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuart's been office fire marshal for five minutes and there's already a fire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where There's Smoke, There's Fire

**Author's Note:**

> With thanks to Aofunk for the following prompt: Stuart's reaction to having his stuff burned. A prompt I took some liberties with.

Stuart did not hate his job. In fact, Stuart quite liked the work he did. What he hated were his co-workers. They were awful. There was no other word for it. Most of them didn't even know his name.

That day, however, wasn't as bad others. Stuart had just been appointed the office fire marshal, which included a small pay bump for his trouble. In most offices, it would probably be a pointless job. If there was a fire, the odds of it being one in a million, the sprinkler system would go off and everyone would exit the building. Here, however, the odds of a fire starting were a lot more common, and he worked with idiots.

After leaving Sarge's office, Stuart made a pit stop in the bathroom, and then walked out into the offices. It was late, and most everyone had left by then, but he could hear laughter and -- was that smoke? Was he smelling smoke? He'd been fire marshal for maybe five minutes and there was already a fire. Perfect.

He followed the smell and, yeah, no shocker here. Dan and Michael were standing around a fire in a plastic wastebasket. Of course they were the cause of the fire. He should have been more surprised that he didn't think of them first. He watched as Michael grabbed a porcelain dog off a nearby desk and tossed it into the flames. The fire crackled and spit sparks into the air.

As office fire marshal, Stuart knew he should be getting the fire extinguisher and putting the fire out. Or at least, he should call the fire department. There was a handbook on what to do, but he hadn't read it yet. The wastebasket was made of pretty thick plastic, but wasn't going to last long. If the carpet caught on fire, the whole building could go up in flames.

But Stuart just stood back and watched. It was like a really shitty nature documentary. He could practically hear David Attenborough narrating about assholes in the wild. Or maybe it was his own mental commentary.

"Jerk," Dan muttered, throwing a stack of papers into the trash can. "I hate that guy."

"This is fun, right?" Michael asked. He picked up the keyboard and yanked the cord from the tower. The tower tumbled over, but Michael paid it no mind. He shoved the keyboard into the wastebasket. It didn't fit all the way in, the black plastic still sticking out the top.

"This is the best thing I've done all day," Dan agreed with a little smile. "And I was at Kinko's _twice_."

Stuart eyed the fire extinguisher, just a few feet away, but curiosity got the better over him. He walked over to them and leaned against the cubicle wall that separated them from the rest of the office. "What the hell are you guys doing?"

"We're burning Stuart's stuff!" Michael replied brightly.

Stuart didn't reply right away. Burning stuff, well, that he had gathered, but _his_ stuff? He glanced at Michael, then at Dan, and nope, no recognition at all. "You're -- you're burning Stuart's stuff."

Dan grabbed a pencil cup and dumped the contents into the fire, then set the cup back on the desk. "That's exactly what we're doing."

"Why?" Stuart asked. "What could this possibly be accomplishing?"

"Satisfaction," Dan said. "We worked really hard to be office fire marshal and he got it. He didn't do _any_ campaigning."

"Uh huh." Stuart blinked at them. He wasn't sure what he should point out first. That the plastic trash can was going to melt soon, that the keyboard was office property, or that they weren't standing at his desk.

Stuart worked on the other end of the office, just two cubicles down from Dan. That was how he got to witness all their stupidity, and marvel at how none of them knew who he was, even when he was talking to them. They were burning the stuff at Ken's desk.

He could put out the fire, or let them know of their mistake, but what would it accomplish? They'd just get around to his desk after he left, and Sarge wouldn't do anything about it. Dan and Michael could do whatever the fuck they wanted and get away with it. That much was clear.

There was really only one thing to do.

Stuart nodded at them and smiled. "You guys have fun."

His pay raise didn't go into effect until Monday, anyway.


End file.
